The Woes of South Sudan and the Futility of My Life’s Work

My recent monitoring and evaluation trip to Lakes State reminded me how my life, my work, my worries, my desires, my problems along with those of most of you reading this are miniscule compared to what millions are facing day in day out in South Sudan.


For those who follow South Sudan, you are aware that Lakes State which lies in the middle of the country has been a mess for the last few years. A lot of the violence has been fueled due to exploitation by political/military leaders of the region, but as a result, over the last year hundreds of people have been killed in the state. Every other person you see walking the streets is armed to the teeth.


In short, the problem is the proliferation of arms to young cattle keepers (Gelweng), the arms are given to the Gelweng for two major reasons - firstly, to protect the cattle that are owned by the rich and powerful military leaders and secondly, to have the Gelweng as an insurance policy so that in case another civil war breaks out these same youth become the first line of defence against a rebellion. So it’s not really hard to imagine for anyone that if you give a lot of AK-47’s with a lot of ammo to kids in their teens, it is bound to not end well most of time. The result has been catastrophic for the state which has been engulfed in lootings, cattle raids and tit for tat revenge killings among subclans.


The worse thing this has done is break down the traditional structures that were in place for centuries to deal with violence. Historically, any sort of violence among communities was sorted out by the Paramount Chiefs of the communities. The word of Chiefs was Gospel. Not anymore, now AK-47’s have become the new Gospel. In many communities of Lakes State the real power now lies with the youth and not the traditional authorities.


Our program (USAID’s flagship in South Sudan) in the region recognized that and brought them to the table, making them part of the conversation because without them there would be no end to this violence. Ideally, nothing will change in the state till there is a complete disarmament campaign done, but that is a pipe dream, at least in the near future because the state and local government don’t have the desire or the resources to carry it out. Disarmament only works when it is done simultaneously in all communities because no one community will give up their arms first to leave their homes and cattle vulnerable to the 5 others that surround them. Nevertheless, once the youth had a seat at the table everyone realised that they themselves were sick of the fighting and wanted to have normal lives so that they could go to school, cultivate crops, live to get married and have their own families. We helped them become part of the solution by supporting their community policing system where Gelweng in each Payam became the eyes and ears for the local authorities to help maintain the peace. We are also looking at ways of engaging the youth in other activities that would provide a viable alternative once they leave their guns because leaving a lucrative life of looting and raiding cattle for doing “nothing” all day would also be wishful thinking.


Anyways, all of this background information brings me to the real reason behind my writing this note. The cover photo you see is from my recent trip to such a gathering where the two guys holding hands are Gelweng leaders from different subclans who were until recently trying to kill each other but now work to prevent youth from both communities from trying to raid, loot and kill one another.


Five minutes after I took this picture at the gathering where traditional chiefs, government officials and these two youth leaders were present, we heard shots being fired. If you’ve lived in Lakes recently you know that shots being fired isn’t that unusual so no one took much notice. A boy ran up and said something in the ear of Keer, the young man in the polo shirt on the right. Keer immediately turned around and started running in the direction of where the shots were being fired from. About 2 mins after that, shots were fired in our direction and everyone in the gathering ran inside a concrete building to take cover till the shooting stopped.


Long story short, we later found out that a Gelweng was drunk in the middle of the day and shooting in the air, when his uncle tried to stop him he shot at his uncle, it was at that time that the younger boy had run up to Keer and informed him. Keer fearlessly ran straight to that drunk Gelweng and tried to wrestle the AK-47 out of his hand. As a result, a shot that was fired hit and killed a prison guard who was standing near by, which prompted fellow prison guards to return fire (these were the rounds that came in our direction).


The Gelweng youth who shot and killed the guard was able to escape but Keer was able to convince the prison guards and police not to retaliate against other Gelweng youth and joined forces with the authorities to capture the perpetrator. Keer single handedly prevented possibly several deaths just that day. At such a tender age he is brave leader, he commands respect from his peers and authorities alike, he is crucial in maintaining peace in his community. A boy like that in the West would be lauded for his heroism, would have the chance to attend prestigious universities, who knows maybe even run for office one day. But unfortunately in Lakes State, Keer might become the very next victim of the same violence he strives to prevent everyday. How is my life or anyone else’s life worth more than Keer’s life? How does this all make any sense?


After the incident, I had a nice air conditioned Landcruiser that whisked me and my colleagues out of there. We came back to our nice air conditioned offices, drank our Nescafe, wrote a report on what happened, spoke about it over some nice lebanese dinner and went to bed. Keer unfortunately doesn’t have the luxury to do this, when he deserves it way more than any of us. About 5 minutes into us taking shelter in the concrete building we realised a really old, frail woman hiding between two desks. She had probably been witness to many a situations like this in her life. My colleague, who was also crouched under the desk looked at her and the lady pointed her fist to her mouth. My colleague had a bag of nuts that she handed over to the lady. Later on a local colleague of ours heard the old lady saying “at least some good came out of the shooting for me.”


While Keer keeps struggling to keep his community from killing each other, development workers like me spend our time complaining about how we’re underappreciated, overworked, how we “deserve” nice vacations, a pay raise etc. It’s sickening. I wish I knew the ending to this show we call life. I wish I knew the “master plan”, the big picture, so I could be content in knowing that guys like Keer aren’t just going to die in vain, that there will be justice in an afterlife. I don’t know how much longer I can go on without knowing this? Most of me doesn’t even want to carry on living this frivolous existence anymore.

Thank you Mr. Trump

I moved to the US as a teenager over a decade and a half ago. I came with only a semesters worth of money & a burning desire to make it on my own. This county made it possible for me, I achieved the "American dream", I had respect, a well paying job, a car, a cat and whatever else constitutes that dream these days. Even the desire of wanting to help the lest fortunate in the world blossomed in me because of America. It was there that I started to understand the meaning of what Descartes mean't when he said "I think therefore I am". I became a better Muslim and a better human being because of America. I wouldn't be sitting here in Sub-Saharan Africa working on conflict mitigation programs if I hadn't moved to America. Just like I firmly believe all this, I also believe that Mr. Trump is doing us all a big favor. Deep down inside we are all prejudiced towards something. We all fear what we don't know and unless it is brought out in the open those prejudices remain within us, polluting our souls whether we know it or not. What Trump has made me realize is how much we all needed to talk about what people actually think about Muslims in America, because until that happens one can never answer the question of why do they think that? And until that happens one can never expect to change perceptions no matter how irrational or inaccurate they might be. I firmly believe that in the long run this will only make America much stronger. So thank you Mr. Trump, because if you hadn't spoken your mind, the majority of rational Americans might have never realized the bigots in their midst, and more importantly, the discussion that just might change the mindset of some of them would have never taken place.

And while I'm on this topic I would also like to comment on millions of Muslims outside the US who are using Mr. Trump as an opportunity to take a dump on the US. Let me just say that although the US isn't perfect, as a Muslim non-American I have at least a thousand times more rights than a Christian, Atheist, Jew or even a minority sect Muslim has in "Muslim" countries. I was always free to practice my religion however I wanted in America because no matter what, the law was on my side. Yes, there are always exceptions to a rule but how many non-Muslim minorities can make that claim in Muslim majority countries? A Muslim boy in America who gets handcuffed for bringing a clock to school, sues the school district for millions of dollars and gets invited by the President of the country for dinner at the White House, while a family of a Christian girl burnt alive on false pretense in a Muslim majority country can't even file a formal compliant with the police, so one may have whatever opinions they want on America being a racist, bigoted, intolerant state but maybe we all should be more mindful of the hypocrisy they represent.

Happy 4th Birthday South Sudan

I wrote a post four years ago on the independence of South Sudan. It was really interesting going back and reading it today. As you can see below there are was a lot of hope in my writing. I argued why being free and failing was still better than having been oppressed for 50 years and failed. Sadly, it turns out I was wrong. Sadly, it turns out all the naysayers were right. South Sudan is arguably in a bigger mess than it was under Sudan. As I had written four years ago that before getting independence everyone in South Sudan was united in fighting a common enemy, but once that wasn't the case would deep rooted differences within South Sudanese re-surface? Would the corrupt elite keep getting more powerful and exploit the masses? Well they did, and in a way that has left thousands and thousands dead, about 2 million internally displaced, an economy that is near collapse with no end in sight, all because of the ego of two men right at the top (Kiir and Machar) whose fight has taken down the hopes and dreams of millions with it.  

Will it change? Will South Sudan ever become the nation it had the potential of becoming with it's fertiles lands and natural resources? I don't know anymore. I'm tired of arguing both sides. What I do know is that I still have the resolve to keep trying in my own little, insignificant way to do something about it. Maybe I'm just a glutton for misery, maybe I'm just delusional. 

Happy Birthday South Sudan! 

"Yeah, I've probably seen more horrible things than good ones but there was no better feeling than the euphoria of witnessing the birth of the world's 193rd state - The Republic of South Sudan.

I was lucky enough to be right under the flag of north Sudan when it was lowered down by the state officials and the new flag of South Sudanwas being raised. I was right there when everyone stormed towards their new flag. It was as if one's favorite team had won the world championship and everyone stormed the pitch. There were thousands of people bouncing up and down to the beat of their new national anthem under their new flag. I had chills for 10 minutes. It was a feeling I will never forget for the rest of my life. I saw tears in the eyes of men from the SPLA (sudan people's liberation army) who had probably seen more horrific things as child soldiers than we can imagine. I could do nothing to stop the tears that trickled down my own face even though I had only been part of this land for two years.

This land that is the size of France with a population of 8 million has tremendous potential. It is blessed with tremendously fertile soil, it is rich with minerals and a proven 5 - 10 billion barrels (could be a lot more) of oil, making it the third largest oil producer in Africa after Nigeria and Angola.

That being said, there is virtually no infrastructure in the country. Up until last year there were 30 km of paved roads in ALL of South Sudan. There is a great shortage of clean water in almost the entire country, vast majority of people are illiterate and their life style resembles pastorals from 500 years ago. There is a shortage of health care facilities, electricity, and other social services. There are no markets, nor any industries that could promote trade and commerce. Over the last few years money has been pouring in from other countries in the form of NGO run aid programs which has kept the ship afloat. The money that has been coming in for development is widely being accused by locals of being warming the pockets of those at the very top. You see massive mansions and brand new Toyota Land Cruisers springing up everywhere amidst shanty huts in Juba. Corruption is rampant at all levels. No money that is coming to Juba trickles down to the other 10 states. Basically, it doesn't look good at all.

 In addition, the South has always been very divided amongst various tribes that haven't coexisted harmoniously since like for ever. Over the last 50 years or so they had a common enemy in the North which they don't any more. There are already signs of discontent amongst the various militia leaders who had allied together to be part of the SPLA but now want a bigger piece of the pie. All of them want those Hummers and mansions. Yeah, I know I did say Hummers, there are plenty here.

Then there are unresolved border issues with the north in the oil rich area of Abyei (north west) and Nuba mountains (north east).

What a cluster **** right?

You hear all of what I've just said above dissected in 400 ways every day in the news. "Experts", mostly Arab mind you, use these "problems" to support their argument that "the south should not have seceded", or that they should have "waited for another few years till they could stand up on their own feet". Till they had an "infrastructure in place".

I abhor and detest these type of comments so much I can't every express it in words. "Wait" they say? Wait for what? being treated like shit for another 50 years. The reason why there is NO infrastructure, NO electricity, NO water, NO roads, NOTHING in the south is because they were under the North for the last 50 years. The North gave them nothing, except for war and misery, so how will being under them make things any WORSE off than they already are.

Whats the worst that can happen, they'll be a failed state? There won't be any development? WAKE up people they have been failed for 5 decades, at least now they will be failed but FREE and I'll take failed but free, over failed and oppressed any day, and so will all of you.

The hope of this country lies in its youth. In the hundreds of thousands who fled during the war into neighboring countries, mostly Kenya, who are dying to come back home and make something of themselves and their new nation. These are people who never were really Kenyan or Ethiopian or Ugandan even if they spent decades there. They were always Sudanese and now they are coming back. On my recent trip back from the US, I met two British Sudanese bankers who were coming back to Sudan. I asked them if this was just a visit or more than that. They looked at me as if I had cursed them out "We're coming back home, brother, home for good". It is this educated youth that gives me hope for South Sudan.

Will South Sudan be a bust or a major success? Only time will tell. But for me, I will never forget being part of history being made. It has left a mark that will never be washed away. I wish this beautiful nation the very best and I will do everything I can till I'm here to do my part in helping it." 

entire post on http://gandairi.blogspot.nl/search?updated-max=2012-04-26T12:23:00-07:00&max-results=7

When the flag of Sudan lowered and South Sudan was first raised in Kapoeta July 9, 2011

Imam Ali (a.s)

Today marks the day when Imam Ali​ was mortally wounded due to a blow to a head  by another (so) called Muslim while he was leading the morning prayer at a mosque in Kufa. Imam Ali is widely recognized by most Sufi orders as the father of Sufism, by all Muslims as the fourth Caliph of the Muslim umma and by the Shia's as the father of Ithna Ashri sect of Islam (Shiaism).
To me personally, his words are the inspiration behind my faith in God, behind the work I do and behind how I should live my life. There are thousands of his sayings that one could quote but for some reason the one that springs to mind right now is from the letter he wrote to his appointed Governor of Egypt in which while instructing him on how to rule, he says:

Remember your subjects are only of two types "Either your brother in faith, or your equal in humanity".

The sad part is that people all over the world especially Muslims today, have forgotten the latter part of this statement. I hope I never forget it though. I hope I always remember that no matter how different someone might be from me, no matter what the color of their skin might be, no mater what they might believe or not believe in, no matter how poor or rich they might be, I always treat them as my equal in humanity. 

Happy Fathers Day

I've written this piece many a times in my mind, but for reasons unknown to me I just haven't gotten around to putting it on paper.

Mr. Yusuf Raza, my father, was born December 12, 1952 to a very humble but proud family. The descendants of the Prophet Muhammad (SA) - Zaidis, from his great grandson Zain-ul-abideen. My grandfather, God bless his soul was a very smart man, had more intellect than all his sons (sorry dad and uncles), but having his own family of 7 plus extended family of about a dozen more to support, he had no choice but to work after the Indo-Pak partition. But he knew that the only way out for his family was through education so he worked and worked just so his kids could go to school.

Dad on his first vacation in years to attend my graduation @ Columbia

Unlike myself, who chose to leave home as a teenager for the "land of opportunity", my dad had no luxury at his disposal. His only option to survive was my making a 5k walk every day to school with often no lunch money just to have a shot at a better life. And because of what he'll tell you were the efforts of his mother, who stood guard at the doorstep watching her son walk over the horizon everyday as he made the journey to school, he did make it! 

He bought his dad who used to travel on a bicycle, his first motorcycle, he helped his siblings get married, he became one of the most senior Government officials, commanding thousands of employees at probably the most prestigious Government agency in the country. 

But this isn't about his achievements as a man or a son. Like most men in South Asia, transition from being a son to a husband wasn't easy for him (South Asian women you know what I mean) but the transition from being a son to a father was a seamless one. Saying that he was a great father, I feel doesn't do justice to it. I don't even know how to explain it, let's put it this way, I've never been able to relate to any issues that kids have with their dads because I've never had ANY issues.

My father never put anything ahead of my welfare, or happiness, ever. He enrolled me in schools which were way beyond what he could afford even if it meant that he could never enjoy anything for himself. He never bought a new watch or new shoes or went on vacation because after paying for me and my sister's private education there was nothing left for him or my mother. But never once, do I ever remember feeling that he was making any sacrifices. I just thought that's what dads do. They wear the same watch for 2 decades, they wear the same shoes, they have the same clothes for years, they don't have a favorite place to eat, or a hobby. I lived in a world where dads woke up every morning, drove you to school every day, picked you up, played cricket with you in the hallway after work, even when your mom would disapprove of it, sat at dinner with you every night, tucked you into bed, woke up in the middle of every night to see if the blanket was still over you, brought you a glass of water, woke you up every morning for prayer then for school and just endlessly repeated the cycle day, after day, after day without ever once saying that "my son, you are sucking the life out of me". To him I was his life, my welfare was the “be all, end all” of not only his physical being but even his soul.

He was never once pessimistic, never made any excuse for anything. He would always tell me when I'd complain about injustice towards me, "son, always prepare for playing against 12 players, 11 opponents and the referee". I guess he'd crawled his way out of the so many dark places as a child that the world being unfair was nothing to complain about. I think my belief that I can accomplish anything in this world must have come from watching him growing up. To him, there was always a solution for everything, if you worked hard enough and prayed hard enough, there was no stopping you, and it just became truer and truer for him as he got older.

I could on and on with dozens of stories that keep popping in the mind while I write this but I'll end with one that for whatever reasons I want to tell the most. My first paycheck as a teenager was for around $300, and I remember I was so excited to spend it on my parents because my dad gave most of the first years of his paychecks to my grandmother, so, I went to the mall in Mankato, Minnesota and bought my dad a $120 Kenneth Cole watch and my mom a necklace. He wore that cheap simple watch for almost 15 years of his life. He wore it to board meetings all over the world. Every time I'd see him I'd tell him to take it off cause it was ugly and all scratched up, and I'd buy him new watches but he'd just give them away and keep wearing that Kenneth Cole, maybe he’s still wearing it, simply because it was from my first ever paycheck. It was the first thing I ever gave him. It means the world to him no matter what anyone thinks of it. It reminds him of me every day. 

Growing up in a traditional South Asian family you never talk about your feelings especially with your father and I know I won't ever have such a conversation with him, at least any time soon, but I want him to know that I remember every little sacrifice he's ever made for me, I'll cherish them for rest of my life and if I can become half the father he is, I will die a very happy man.  

Visit to the Holocaust Museum in DC

The highlight of my trip to DC wasn't the wonderful company of my Columbia colleagues and alums, it wasn't visiting the breath taking monuments of DC, it wasn't even my interview at the World Bank, it was the emotional 3 hours that I spent at the Holocaust Museum.

Growing up as Shia Muslims, repentance and mourning becomes part of our DNA as two months every year we mourn the injustices perpetrated on the family of Muhammad A.S. 1400 years ago. Maybe that is why I felt at peace crying for the plight of millions of Jewish men, women and children who where shot, gassed,burnt alive and starved to death for no crime that they committed other than being born Jewish and no one dared to come their help until is was too late for most. The stench of their burnt and blackened shoes will always stay with me, as a reminder that I will never, till my last breath on this earth, remain silent or stop working to fight injustice wherever I see it. That I will not be sucked into turning my life into a pursuit of mere worldly comforts, that I will not be blinded by the lights that make you forget what is actually happening to the majority of people on this planet. I may never succeed at achieving anything, but I will be content knowing that I died trying.

"Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children" Deuteronomy 4:9

I had recently posted an article on the bombings in Quetta, Pakistan targeting Shia Muslims that killed and injured hundreds. The BBC article addressed the fact that organizations such and Lashkar-e-Jhangvi, Lashar-e-Taiba and Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan, who have always accepted responsibilty for the attacks on minority shia Muslims were backed by the Pakistan Government in the past  who used them as proxy forces to nuetralize the threat of India in Kashmir and Iran in Afghanistan. It also explained that countries in the Middle East are a big funding source for these organizations as these organizations follow a strict interpretation of the type of Islam practiced in Saudi Arabia (wahabism). 

I lived in Pakistan through most of my teens and I can assure you first hand that most of my friends who went to Madrassas (religious schools) were preached a strict variant of wahabi Islam, where tolerance towards other Muslims or human beings was not part of the curriculum. By now almost every person whose done research on this topic will tell you that most, if not all such madrassas are funded by SAUDI money not only in Pakistan but all over Africa (where I work now). 

We all also have an idea that the west uses a lot of Saudi Oil - 10 million barrels of them are used in the US every day. We all criticize the US and the west to be part of this "Islamic Terrorism" problem. We argue vehemently that fighting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq against "Islamic extremists" are like putting a small bandage on a gun-shot wound of someone that you shot yourself. "They just don't connect the dots" we say.  "They buy oil from Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia funds terrorists, and then they go fight the terrorists". I've had many of my friends over the years say "well 19 out of the 22 terrorists on 9/11 were Saudi, why doesn't the US go bomb Saudi Arabia". 

Well I agree with what they are saying, and I also understand the argument that the US can't just stop using Saudi oil because the entire economy will crumble if that happens etc etc. What I CANNOT understand is the fact that all my, or I should say most of my Shia Muslim friends in America criticize the US governments actions all the time but fail to see their actions as being part of this problem. 

EVERY SINGLE one of my Shia friends in America criticizes Saudi Arabia, yet ALMOST EVERY SINGLE one of them drives a car that uses crude oil bought from Saudi Arabia. Hence they are paying the Saudi oil field owner money that he then uses to fund Laskhar-e-Jhangvi, members of which then go and blow up Shias in Pakistan. And they feel that they are absolved of any wrong doing and that criticizing the US and Saudi Arabia and marching on the street a few times a year is what will do the trick. 

I am by no means against protesting and criticizing, I believe those are brave and noble acts but at the same time I have a problem with hypocrisy and stupidity. 

Now coming to what I feel CAN actually be done in the long run to lessen the influence of Saudi Arabia on further funding terrorism. 

1. Support all Government and Non-Government initiatives that help the west move away from Middle East oil dependence. 

2. Vote for officials who do care about alternative energy sources and want to move away from fossil fuels. 

3. Call, write, do whatever to put pressure on your elected officials to vote for alternative energy initiatives. 

3. Research into what Oil companies do not use Saudi Oil and start filling your cars at their pumps (Almost all big ones do except for a very few select ones that use Canadian Oil only - Sinclair and Sunoco don't use Saudi oil. I can give references if anyone likes.

4. Sell your Gasoline Car and buy a Prius if you're really interested in not paying the Saudi's any part of your hard earned, Halal, Shia loving money. 

And if you can't do that, it's okay, there are other ways in which you might be doing your part and you should continue to do but for the love of God don't JUST be a hypocrite, look into your actions before opening your mouth.